Welcome Home

Welcome back, Alli.

It feels a lot like a “Welcome home.”  While I miss Nicaragua and the relationships I built there like literally nothing else, the relationships I have here at home and on campus are the people God has for me right now.  They are the people who know me.  They take me as I am while also helping grow in my faith and constantly challenging me to grow closer to Christ.

First off, if you’re one of these people, thank you.  From my family to my roommate to all the newbies in our building, thank you for putting up with me the past week and a half.  I know I’ve been complaining about being cold, and I know I keep forgetting things and showing up late.  Thanks for letting me re-learn how school and being home works without pushing me to jump right back in to “normal” life.  That’s actually extremely appreciated.  You all have also been there through this whole journey.  You saw all the preparation and supported me and prayed me through leaving home for three months, all the homesickness, and all the joys I experienced while I was there.  You let me talk about my trip non-stop (even when I’m accidently hogging the conversation sometimes).  You guys care.  It’s such an uplifting feeling to know that there are people who have my back, who have been supporting me this entire journey and are still supporting me as I readjust to life here at home, who have been praying for me through it all.  You guys are actually the greatest.

So, I’ve officially been home for a week and a half.  In some ways, it feels like I’ve been home for two hours, and in some ways, it feels like I’ve been back for years.  Maybe it’s because, as soon as I got back, I moved back to campus.  I had almost no time to prepare myself to be thrown back in to life here before I actually was.  In some ways, that was really good for me, and in other ways, it really wasn’t.

Here’s what’s been going down.  I’m back in a routine, which is really helping me adjust to life here.  I didn’t have much time at all to think about all that went on in Nicaragua, which was probably good for me, because otherwise I would have been mentally stuck in Nicaragua more than I already am and wouldn’t have been able to dive back into life here at home.  But, on the other hand, I’ve had no time to process my trip.  I’ve had no time to look back on it all and really take in all that God did.

I haven’t cried.

I haven’t cried once since I’ve been back.  If you know me at all, you know that’s not a good sign.  I cry when I process.  No tears equates to no processing.  So, instead of processing my trip and actually letting myself miss the people I met and truly reflect on all that happened, I’ve just been bottling my emotions inside.  And that’s never good.

So, honestly, I’m writing this because yesterday, I started to hit my breaking point.  It’s coming – I know it is.  I don’t know when the actual tears will come, but I can feel them coming.  They’re not just building up anymore – they’re about to spew.

You hear it all the time.  “Reentry is very hard; be prepared.”  Except, I didn’t expect it to actually be this hard.  My heart hurts to be back at Taellor’s House with those sweet kids.  I almost always find myself replaying memories in my head from this summer (it’s super unhelpful during class).  I miss Nicaragua.  I miss it a lot.

But now, I’m back on campus and back in class.  And can I just say, after this summer, I am so freaking excited for these education classes.  I find myself nerding out in (almost) all of my classes this semester, and I really think it’s because I am so excited to see just where God takes my desire to teach.

Basically, I said all of this to ask for prayer.  Pray for peace as I start to process all that happened this summer.  Pray that I always remember to run to Jesus.  This time of processing isn’t going to be easy, but I need to reflect on all that happened and, honestly, allow myself to be sad and miss everything that happened and everyone that I met.

I cannot thank you all enough for all the prayers and support you’ve given me over these past few months, and I cannot wait to finally be able to share (and understand) all that God did this summer.

Weeks Six and Seven | HOME & PEACE

I don’t know if I’ll ever finish processing all that God is doing this summer.

The past two weeks have been almost like a whirlwind of emotions, but sort of in a good way.  There are a lot of things bottled up inside that I hadn’t started to deal with yet.  A lot of homesickness, really.

Apparently, being homesick can actually affect a person physically.  I did not feel well for about a week and a half because I was in such a rut of missing home, missing my family.  It’s just been these last few days that I’ve started feeling better, physically and emotionally.

I guess it’s time for a bit of real honesty: I let my homesickness take over.  That was all I focused on, all I thought about it.  There were a couple nights I found myself completely sobbing in my bed because I wanted to be home with my family so badly.  And that’s when I started to get physically sick.

But God’s love surpasses all of that; His peace transcends anything I could ever understand.  He holds my heart in His hands and dries all my tears.  He knows all that’s going on, and He understands it all.  God gets that I’ve been homesick, and He welcomes me back to His arms every time I choose to focus on that instead of Him.

He’s been pouring this truth into my life: I have an earthly family here on earth, and I have a building to live in both here and in the states.  But none of those things are really my home.  God is my home.

{ “God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”  Psalm 46:1-3 }

Sometimes, the homesickness would feel like everything was crashing down.  I believed Satan’s lies that my hurt was all I could focus on, and I let it control me to the point that I became physically sick.  But there is hope.  There is always hope!  God will never leave.  He is my refuge – He wants to be my refuge.  He wants me to run to His arms and make my home in Him.  Because He is home.

The saying goes, “Home is where the heart is.”  I’ve also heard, “Home is where your family is.”  To me, home is security.  It’s trusting your surroundings and being comfortable being yourself.  It’s not necessarily being comfortable with your surroundings, but it’s where I can run both for celebrations and sadness.  For a long, long time, I attributed that to my family, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  My earthly home is with my family, wherever that may be.  But my true home is in Jesus’s arms.  With Him, I can be who I really am.  He doesn’t promise comfort or total safety, but He does promise to be my refuge and never to leave my side.  He will only take me where He can, and that may be far away from my earthly home, but He will never stop being my true home.

Phil Wickham’s Heaven Song says, “My soul is getting restless for the place where I belong.”  I think that’s where I’ve been at for the past few weeks.  I hadn’t been doing very well about spending time with Jesus and really drawing in to Him.  So my heart started to ache to be at my earthly home with my family.  But really, my soul was yearning, yearning, to spend time with Jesus, to spend time learning more about Him and drawing near to Him.

These past couple of weeks have been a huge time of learning for me.  God has been doing so freaking much in my heart, and I don’t think I’ve even started processing a lot of it much deeper than the surface.  My prayer right now is that He teaches me what it looks like for me to truly draw near to Him.  Right now, He’s teaching me a lot about having peace with the uncertainty of the future.

For a long, long time, I felt specifically called to overseas missions.  Now, He’s starting to change that – He’s broadening my view of what missions really is.  I’m not saying He’s not calling me overseas, but He’s teaching me that mission fields are everywhere.  My own backyard, my own dorm hallway is a mission field.  The people around me in the states and at school need Jesus just as much as the people here.  So maybe He is still calling me overseas, and maybe He’s calling me to my own backyard.  Either way, I’ve been called to missions – we all have.  I’m just not so sure anymore what exactly that will look like for my life, and I’m actually okay with that.  God is teaching me to be okay with the unknown, and it’s actually a really freeing feeling.  I don’t have to worry about planning tomorrow; He already has it planned, and He will reveal it all in His timing.

Home.  Peace in the unknown.  God is doing a ton, y’all.  A TON.  I wish I could tell you all about it, but I honestly don’t know if I understand it all yet.  For now, I can’t wait to see what the next five weeks hold here and then what next semester and year hold back at school.  

God is good, guys!  He’s doing amazing things here!

WEEK FIVE

Man, God worked in amazing ways this week.

I’m still processing it all, so I can’t promise how much sense any of this is going to make, but God is really working down here.  So here’s what went down.

Tuesday, I went to the village and spent the afternoon with some little girls running around and completely ignoring the baseball game the older kids were playing with other team members.  Friday, we traveled to Matagalpa, about two and a half hours away, with the girls from the abstinence program for a fun day of chocolate, Mexican food, ice cream, and snuggles.

Earlier this week, Denise mentioned that, being here for a longer period of time, we had more opportunities to build real relationships and share the gospel with the Nicas and the people we meet.  That hit me hard.  From that point on, God started laying specific names on my heart to pray for and, hopefully, share the gospel and Jesus’s love with.  For some reason, that laid really heavily on my heart.  I’ve never really had God lay specific names on my heart before, so this was something totally new.

One of them is a little girl from the village.  I met her a couple weeks ago and got to see her again when I went back on Tuesday.  She’s a sweetheart.  She’s full of energy and life, her favorite subject in school is math (a couple weeks ago it was language), and she loves jumping around on the tires by the baseball field.  Her caring heart and carefree joy is seriously one of the sweetest things I have ever experienced.  I’m praying God works a miracle in her life and shows her His joy, what true joy looks like.

The other is a girl from the abstinence program.  Friday, when we traveled with them, we were all assigned a girl from the program to be our little sister for the day.  This little girl was a snuggler, and I cannot tell you how happy that made my heart.  But here’s what got me.  This girl finally felt safe.  For that one day, she didn’t have to worry about anything – not responsibilities, not safety, nothing.  She could just be a normal kid for a day; she could just be.  God laid this sweet girl on my heart.  He has the ultimate safety, love, and care that she needs, and I’m praying she sees that.  I’m praying that she would know just how valued and loved she is by Jesus and that she is a true princess in His eyes.  I’m praying she would turn to Him for all she needs, not to the things of the world that can’t fill her.

Like I said, this week was full of God working.  But, honestly, it was kind of overwhelming.  This morning, I broke.  This week, I’ve started to see just how much darkness really is here, just how hurt and broken so much of this world is.  It’s heavy stuff, and this morning, I just kind of hit a wall.  But God has peace that surpasses any understanding of peace I could ever have.

Today was just one example of all the times down here I’ve witnessed firsthand God’s peace and joy.  The day went on, and God did amazing things.  Not just in me, but in the people around me and the people we were serving.  Today was one of the greatest days I’ve had since I’ve been here, and it’s all because God brought immense amounts of peace and joy.

He’s teaching me that I need to trust Him with those things.  They aren’t just going to magically happen.  I have to look to Him and search for Him, draw near to Him, and His peace and comfort are so evident.  His peace, comfort, and joy are actually more overwhelming in a good way than the weight of all I experienced this week.  God is so cool.

Today was a blessing.  This week was a blessing.  It was hard, but it was amazing.  It’s been so cool to see God work and see all that He does in the people around me and in my own life.

Please be praying with me for the two girls God has specifically laid on my heart, as well as for the other kids from the village, feeding center, and Tae’s House that I’ve gotten to know.  Pray for God to use me.

Masaya Volcano spitting out smoke on the way home from Laguna de Apoyo Saturday afternoon

Some of the sweet, sweet kiddos from the village

Fernanda, Valeria, Genesis, and Elena, four little girls from the village who are full of energy

I LOVED spending Tuesday afternoon completely ignoring the baseball game (behind them) with them and running around on the tires instead.

A crater in Masaya Volcano.  We had the amazing opportunity to go see the volcano up close, with the smoke coming out and everything.  We even got to see lava!

Week Four

So, this week was interesting, but in a good way.  God works in cool ways.

I started off this week sick (again).  This time, it was a nasty ear infection that knocked me down.  I mean, to the point that I could barely move my mouth to speak because of the pain.  So, through that, God took me on a little adventure.  I got to travel with Dr. Melba and the medical team to León to help them out at the medical clinic for a day.  And it was seriously a blast.  León is an extremely beautiful city, and she even drove us by a salt factory where salt, taken from the ocean, is basically turned into table salt for the country and to be exported.  It was seriously so cool.

So much has been on my heart this week.  God’s still got me learning about joy.  Joy and trust.  This week has been filled with learning about finding joy in the moment and in the little things.  Sometimes, it’s about the huge, grand moments, but a lot of times, I miss the little things.  I miss the sunsets God’s painted or the time to get to know the medical interns.  In all honesty, I caught myself dwelling on the fact that I wasn’t allowed to go to the dump earlier this week.  I was dwelling on all I would be missing when I wasn’t seeing the kids at the feeding center all week.  But God’s got plans, and they’re cool.  Instead, I got to go with Dr. Melba (as aforementioned) and be a part of a pretty darn cool day.  Never before had I seen any side of the medical ministry, and it was so fun to not only see all that Dr. Melba and her team do but also to simply have time to get to know the medical interns a little bit better.

God is seriously amazing.  That’s really all I have to say about this week.  It was the first week without a moment of stomach-turning homesickness.  It was a week filled with adventures to go swimming, to watch movies, to see mounds of salt the size of buildings, to help people find glasses, to love on kiddos, and honestly to take some time to just rest when I needed it.  God always knows what we need.

I really don’t have much to say about this week.  All I can say is that God is good.  He’s teaching me so much about finding my joy in Him and trusting Him with the present.  He’s teaching me that worry fixes literally nothing and that a goodbye hug from a Taellor’s House kid or a pretty sunset can mean just as much as getting a package from my mom or talking for hours with other interns.  I love how God works in all things, even what I may think are too small or are the littlest of moments.  He is at work here, and it’s absolutely amazing to see.  I cannot wait to see how He works in these next two months and after that.

Well, this was short and sweet this week, but I’ll definitely update if anything comes back to mind!  Pray for God to continue moving in the lives that we serve and in my life as I serve.  Pray for strength and that my ear infection would be completely healed.  Pray that I continue learning to find joy in Jesus and to trust Him.

I have zero apologies for all the sky pictures.  I am obsessed with the sky.  I LOVE how God paints the sky each day.

Week Three | ACCLIMATION

Seriously.  Any time I sit down to blog, something weird happens.  Last week, Shalom (somehow) set her head on my shoulder;  tonight, a bug flew out of my hair.  Out of my hair.  I didn’t even know it was in my hair to begin with.  Seriously.  But it doesn’t even phase me anymore.  Like, oh look, a huge bug flew out of my hair, what else is new?

Acclimation is actually super fun.  I sincerely mean that, and it comes with no sarcasm.  Really.

This week, God has been teaching me all about acclimation and adjusting to this new world around me.  From the heat to the bugs to the food to the timing, God’s been working in cool ways this past week.

This week started with a lot (A LOT) of homesickness.  It was the first time I’d really missed home and my family; it was the first time I’d really cried from being homesick.  But God works in awesome ways sometimes.  This week, the other interns have started to feel like a real family.  They comforted me when I was feeling homesick, and they really do feel like sisters.  It’s amazing to me how God uses our spiritual family to create an (almost) real family.

It’s crazy to me that I’ve already finished three weeks of my time here.  That means that one fourth of my trip is over.  That’s insane.  That makes me want to cry.  I can’t imagine leaving here come August (also I really don’t want to go back to school in August – I just want to stay here forever).  But, as I started learning last week, I can’t focus on the negatives.  I’m choosing to focus on the positives and on all the beautiful ways God is blessing me while I’m here, not on when I have to leave and how quickly it seems to be approaching (even though it’s still two months away).

This week, I’ve gotten to go to the village and meet sweet, sweet little kids…and let them talk me into playing pato pato ganzo (duck duck goose) in the middle of the iglesia (church) in the village.  Those girlies are so darn sweet.  I also went back to the dump both to help Wednesday with morning activities and hang out with the girls in the abstinence program and to help Thursday afternoon at the youth group.  Seeing the kids at the youth group was a blast.  One of my favorite parts was getting to interact with the girls I’ve been starting to get to know from the abstinence program.

I still just absolutely LOVE my days at Taellor’s House.  It’s even more fun now that I’m matching the right names with the right kids (YAY no more calling kids the wrong names!) and now that I’m getting to know them all a little better.  They are seriously a blast.  Being able to be in an environment where kids are learning about Jesus through education brings my heart so much joy.  I would love to use education one day to reach kids who maybe wouldn’t otherwise hear about Jesus or see His love.

This week has been amazing.  So much has been changing as I’ve adjusted.  I cut up my first papaya this week.  I’ve been learning so much about the culture, and I’ve been learning about how, yes, everything really is always late here.  I knew that in my head, but it’s been super fun to experience firsthand.  The heat no longer feels as horridly hot, and the times when it rains actually feel pretty darn cold.  I’m learning how to handle my homesickness and turn to Jesus when the days feel hard or overwhelming, because those days come.  I’m learning to do life with the other interns that I’m living with, and I seriously can’t imagine spending this summer with any other girls.  God really knew what He was doing when He placed us all together.

For now, I can’t think of anything else, so here are some pictures from the last week for you to enjoy!

WEEK TWO

I’m trying to type this out, and Shalom (our guard dog) sticks her front two legs up next to me and her head on my shoulder.  It sounds sweet.  I love my Shally, but that girl will literally jump on anyone she sees.  She’s a sweetie, but she can be a little (or a lot) crazy at times.

This past week, God’s been teaching me about joy.  I find myself quite a bit focusing on the negative aspects of my circumstances.  This is especially true when I’m tired or socially overwhelmed (which is actually more often that I’d expected it would be, but more on that later).  It’s so easy to just sit back and let the negative take over.  It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill – once it gets started, it just keeps getting bigger.

But this week, there’s been that little voice in the back of my head saying, “Is this really how you want to spend your day?  Focusing on the negatives?”  And it’s not.  I don’t want to spend my time – here or anywhere – focusing on the little annoyances that come with everyday life.

Here’s the thing.  I’m a (semi) punctual person back home.  That carries over, I’m learning, into many other parts of my life.  In my mind, if there’s something to be done, it needs to be done at that moment.  There’s no waiting or putting it off or even just giving myself a few more minutes to rest.  If there’s a task at hand to be completed, I want it completed at that moment and as soon as possible.  I hate leaving things unfinished.

But, Alli, you’re a horrible procrastinator.  I know, I don’t get it either.

What I’m learning is that I can’t spend my time fretting over these things.  They’ll get done when they get done.  There’s no reason to focus on them and let myself be a negative nelly.  God wants me to find joy in all situations.  So, now, when I catch myself being negative, I make myself sit down and find the positives around me.  It’s been a learning process, but it’s really helping.  Making myself focus on the blessing God has given me is, in my opinion, my first step in learning what true joy in Him really is.

Rest is such a big part of me choosing to be joyful.  I cannot tell you the amount of times that Denise, Tammy, and Mom have all told me, “You need to take care of yourself,” this week.  Partly because I wasn’t feeling well at the beginning of the week, but I hated missing serving.  But rest is key.  If I don’t have real rest, I’ll never have the strength to serve.  Down here, I get exhausted so much easier than I do in the states.  I don’t know if it’s because it’s the first real time I’ve been serving all day, every week day, or if it’s because of the heat, or if it’s because I just need alone time at the end of each day, or if it’s because of some totally different reason.  Whatever it is, I find myself in need of rest much more than I have before.  I also find myself in need of alone time so much more than normal.  After spending a full day serving others, I need my time to be alone – physically alone – and catch up on my me-time.  It’s honestly been such a blessing to have Denise and Tammy encouraging me to schedule alone time each week; it’s been working (even if it’s only been two weeks).  I never would have thought I would learn about rest and taking time for myself while here, but it’s been a big part of what I’ve learned this past week.  I need to care for myself, and that’s not selfish.  It’s healthy.

Now for a simple overview of the week (sorry to switch topics to quickly).

I started the week off not feeling well, and I’m back there again now.  Throughout the week, I’ve been learning names of all the kids at Tae’s House and starting to actually get to know them and build relationships with them, and it’s such a blast.  I love these kids to pieces.  I’ve also really enjoyed going with Tammy to the feeding center and hanging out with the girls in the abstinence program.  They’re still teaching me to make paper beads (that’s probably all I’m allowed to do, and that’s all I want to attempt), and they’re still laughing at how bad my beads are.  But I’m determined to know how to make paper beads WELL by the time I come back in August (Hannah, get ready – this might be my new procrastination technique at school).  I’ve absolutely loved getting to spend time with their girls and just barely start building relationships with some of them.  I cannot wait to see where God takes those relationships over the summer.

One of my favorite moments this week was the day I was at Taellor’s House.  I got to hear sweet giggles from a table of kids during lunchtime.  At one point, a bunch (A BUNCH) of the kids were chasing Shalom around the grounds and just laughing their heads off.  Their laughter is seriously one of my favorite sounds.  I love hearing them sing songs to Jesus, and I love their laughter.  They are sweet, sweet sounds.

That’s all for this week.  Pray for God to do all sorts of God things (yes, I did learn that phrase from the Christy Miller books) in the coming week(s).  Pray that He would continue to teach me how to find my joy and rest in Him.

Also, pray that flies would quit flying in my ears.  Thank you.

{ WEEK ONE }

This week has been absolutely amazing.  It’s been nothing I expected but also so much more than I ever expected.  God is amazing.

From working with Tammy to traveling to the worksite/village with the team to helping at Taellor’s House in all kinds of ways, God’s started showing me just why I’m here.

First, let’s talk about how fun the classrooms are at Taellor’s House.  If I had any doubt that God was calling me to teaching, it would have been gone within a few days.  The teachers here are so fun, and the kids are awesome.  Tae’s House is filled with so much joy all the time.  I absolutely love helping Yassira in her classroom with the 6-12 year olds.  SO MUCH FUN.

But here’s what I’m learning about myself: I love serving people who are already serving.  Maybe it’s because growing up, all the mission trips I went on were to serve missionaries and people already serving, and maybe it’s just because I’ve seen the impact encouragement can have in the past.  Whether it’s because of either of those or not, serving those who are already serving is where God is calling me here in Nicaragua.

One day, Alena and I packed almost 300 bags for Mothers’ Day gifts in a hot room with not air circulation, and it was probably one of my favorite days here this past week.  I loved being able to help the Project H.O.P.E. team and serve in a way that would help them out the most at that time.

This week has been so extremely growing for me; I cannot wait to see all the rest that God does over the next two and a half months.  I started the week with quite a bit of homesick feelings, and those haven’t completely gone away, but it’s getting a whole lot better.  The other interns have really welcomed me in, and it already feels like we’re a family.  They’re seriously a blast.  Denise and Tammy have made me feel so at home here, and I love knowing I have to women that I can go to at any time, and they’ll be there for me.

Wednesday was hard this week.  It was day four (which is apparently a hard day for a lot of people).  My introversion really kicked in that day, so not only was I pretty wore out mentally and socially, I was also really starting to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t leaving at the end of the week.  That was (and is still, even though the week is over) a really weird feeling.  The other two times I’ve come to Nicaragua, I’ve only been here for a week.  Wednesday was filled with “I promised someone I would get a picture of this before I left,” and “Wow, I can’t believe this week is half over; I’m not ready to go home.”  But those were followed by, “Holy cow, I’m not going home at the end of this week.”  Sometimes, thinking about staying for another two and a half months is super scary and makes me a little nauseous.

Then, other times, I seriously can’t imagine leaving.  I’m loving it down here.  Like, how in the world am I supposed to find leche con cacao when I get back to the states in August?  That milk is my morning (and sometimes afternoon and sometimes night) pick-me-up.  It’s delicious.  Anyways, so much more often than not, I absolutely ignore the fact that I have to leave in two and a half months.  A few nights this week (including tonight), it’s absolutely downpoured here.  On this tin roof that we have, it’s seriously the most beautiful sound (even if it is super loud).  I cannot imagine not having these other interns here with me.  They bring me so much joy; they challenge me to find joy and to have fun, even when I may not want to.  Tonight, they convinced me to run out into the thunderstorm with them and play in the freezing cold rain.  And it was seriously some of the most fun I’ve had in a long time.

Sure, it’s not easy being down here, being away from my family, acclimating to the heat, learning to live in Nicaragua, but it’s seriously one of the best experiences I’ve had so far in my life.  I wouldn’t trade this for the world.  God is doing so many amazing things, and I wish I could tell you all about them, but I don’t think I even understand all that’s going on yet.  Keep praying that many lives would be changed and that He would work in amazing ways.  Pray that He moves in me as well as through me.  I cannot wait to see what all He has in store for the rest of the summer!

¡Hasta la próxima semana!

Nicaragua: DAY ONE

This morning, I woke up in Nicaragua.

I never thought this day would get here.  Even Friday, as I was packing and shopping and running around with Mom to tie up all the lose ends and finish all the things I’d forgotten about, it hadn’t set in that I left the next morning.  Every day leading up to the trip felt like two or three months before the trip started, even if it was only two or three days.  It’s insane how quickly this trip popped up.

I got to Taellor’s House last night, to my new home for the next three months, and the homesickness set in.  It’s weird to be so far away from my family and to know it’s going to be for so long.  On campus, I was always a quick drive away from my family (or a quick walk over to Dad’s office).  Here, I can’t get hugs from my mom or tell Molly goodnight or go visit Dad in his office at work.

But what I’m learning is that that’s okay.  It’s okay to be homesick and to miss my family, and it’s okay to be nervous about the next three months.  It’s what I do with those feelings that matters.  Am I holding on to the worry and the uncomfortableness and helping them build homes in my life, or am I focusing on looking to Jesus and why He brought me here?  Am I letting my negative feelings sit and fester, or am I talking to Jesus about them and finding my peace in Him?

Peace.  That’s a big word for only five letters.  I still have little idea how to define peace, but God’s been teaching me what it’s not.  Peace is not equivalent to joy or comfort.  It has nothing to do with my circumstances or how I’m feeling at any given moment.  Peace is something that comes only from Jesus.  I’m still working on learning just what that something is, but (at least in my opinion) ruling out what it’s not is a pretty darn good start to allowing God to show me what it is.

Anyways, back on my original train of thought.  I was pretty homesick last night.  But as soon as I pulled myself off of my bed and stepped outside, it was as if all was well.  Simply smelling the Nicaraguan air and feeling the Nicaraguan heat took away so much of my homesickness; I can’t really even describe it.  God really is good, calming my fears and worries and doubts in some of the most unexpected ways.  He’s pretty cool.

Today, I visited the homes in the village where Project H.O.P.E. has been building for the first time.  I’d been to this village once before, but I’d never seen the homes or the work and building PJHOPE was doing there.  It was pretty amazing.  Tomorrow, I’ll get to head to the worksite with the team that’s here now and see them in action.  For the first time, I’ll get to see what the majority of the teams who work with PJHOPE do.  I couldn’t be more excited.

In short, today was an amazing first day in Nicaragua.  I cannot wait to see all that God does in the next three months.  Hopefully, they won’t fly by as quickly as I (sadly) know they will.

Also, I didn’t cry at all on the flights yesterday, so that was awesome.

Okay, well, that’s all for now!  ¡Hasta luego!

Freshman Year is OVER

The other day, a friend of mine made the comment that, “Wow, we’ve changed a lot in the past year.”  It does not feel like a year ago that I moved into my dorm room at Missouri State; sometimes, it feels like yesterday, and sometimes it feels like I’ve always been here.  But I have changed a lot.  A lot has happened in the past year.

I’m sitting at my desk one last time as I write this, (again) procrastinating on the online psych homework I know I should be doing (it’s actually sitting next to my computer right now, and I’m still not doing it).  My desk and walls are bare again, just like they were the day I moved in.  All my stuff is packed up in Dad’s truck and on it’s way home, and I’ll be home in just a few hours.  It’s crazy.

Looking back on this year, all I can do is smile and see all the ways God has blessed me.  I spent a lot of last semester in my room, not really leaving much – except to go home every weekend or to watch movies in the living room with my suitemates.  But at the same time, I was finding out that I would be going to Nicaragua this summer.  I remember the exact spot on the Potter’s House front porch where I was sitting when I found out.

Ever since the spring semester started, I’ve been praying for God to bring Jesus-loving friends into my life that I could do life with.  And guess what.  He gave me a desire to spend time with people and actually go out and make some friends.

And I couldn’t be happier.  I seriously have found joy in leaving my room – I know, shocking sometimes.

As this semester and year come to and end, I can’t help but look back on all the things God has done.  He’s brought a second family into my life through dorm community and Bible studies.  {INCOMING COLLEGE FRESHMEN:  Let God lead you to the people who will become your second family.  They are seriously amazing.}  I cannot thank those people enough for all they’ve done for me, even in the last couple months.  They’ve supported and comforted me during the good and the bad times.  They’ve rejoiced with me and cried with me.  God blessed me tremendously when He brought us together as a second family.

I’ve officially dropped my Global Studies major and added the Latin American Studies minor in its place.  I have plans to study abroad in a couple years.  This semester, I’ve gotten involved in Cru on campus, and I couldn’t be more thankful for the friendships God placed in my life through Cru.  In August, I will join Cru leadership, and I cannot wait to see how God uses me to change my campus and other students, just like He used my leaders to change my life.

But first, Nicaragua.  I leave two weeks from tomorrow!  It’s getting so close!  My goal now is to be thankful for the year God just gave me at college and all He did here, but more than that to look to the future as He takes me on my next journey to Nicaragua.  I cannot wait to see how God works in Nicaragua, and I cannot wait to see all that He does when I get back to Missouri State next year.

This year has been amazing, and a TON has happened, but I cannot wait to see all that God has next!

See you in August, second family.  Have a great summer!

 

{ PRAYER }

Hi, friends!  I am officially FIVE WEEKS AWAY from leaving for Nicaragua, and I couldn’t be more excited!  But, if we’re being completely honest here, there are some mixed emotions about leaving that I’ve got running around in my head.

First, and probably foremost, I am OUT THE WAZOO EXCITED to go spend my summer in Nicaragua!  I’ve reached the point where even just saying the word “Nicaragua,” I start to smile and my heart begins to race.  It really is more excitement than I may have ever felt before (including graduation and the fountain party with free food on campus last Friday).

But see, I’ve also got some early homesickness and nervousness about the trip.  Sure, when I hear “Nicaragua,” my heart races of excitement, but it also races of nerves and worries and all those negative feelings.  I’m scared to leave my home and family for the three months that would have been spent completely with them.  It makes me sad to think that I’ll miss Father’s Day and my dad’s birthday and the family’s fourth of July celebrations.  I’ll miss my family’s concert back at Ridgecrest (if you haven’t heard about that yet, you should be there).  There are a lot of things I’m going to miss, and that honestly makes me sad.  Sure, I’ll have Facebook and Skype and different ways to communicate, and sure, I’ll have great experiences while I’m down there, but that doesn’t quite take away the twinge of sadness that comes with missing some of my favorite parts of spending summer with my family.

On that note, I’m extremely excited for all that I’m going to experience while I’m in Nicaragua.  I cannot explain to you how excited I am to experience the Latin American and Nicaraguan cultures, eat local foods, and work with the teams that come to base.  I seriously cannot wait to show Jesus’s love and hope to all the little kids God will place in my life at Tae’s House.  It’s going to be an amazing experience.  I have no idea whatsoever what it’s going to look like (and if you know me at all, you know how much not having a plan can stress me out), but I know God is going to do amazing things.  I cannot wait to see all that He has planned and how He works this summer.

So, with my departure being so close, I have some prayer requests that I would love for you to pray alongside me:

Pray for peace to take the place of the homesickness.  I want to be able to serve God to the best of my abilities, and ongoing homesickness would probably combat that.  I know that some homesick feelings will be completely natural, but I’m praying that they aren’t ongoing and that I can easily acclimate to the culture, people, and environment that I’m in.  I’m praying that I feel the peace of God siempre (always) and am able to find my home in Him and not in my location or distance from my family.

Pray for my physical health.  Like I said before, I leave in five weeks.  Currently, I am wearing a fracture boot for a foot injury I’ve had for about eight months, and we’re still not sure what is wrong with it.  Pray for guidance, that we and the doctors can easily determine how my foot is hurt, and pray that it would heal quickly and I’ll be able to be on my feet and working while in Nicaragua, not bogged down by the boot.

Pray for God to do AMAZING things this summer and the rest of the year!  I’m not the only intern there, and some are staying even after I leave.  Pray that God does an amazing work and changes lives in Nicaragua.  Pray for my strength and that I would find everything I need in Him alone.

I cannot thank y’all enough for all your prayers and support these past few months!  It’s been a crazy ride getting to where I am, but it’s been so fun.  I’ve loved seeing just how God provides (I’m fully funded!) and how He takes care of me.  Him providing the funds was a reassurance I really needed to know that He is sending me to Nicaragua, and it’s not something I need to doubt.  He has provided the way.  I cannot wait to share stories with all y’all of how God is moving in Nicaragua and just what all He’s doing at Tae’s House!  Thank you again for all the prayers, support, and love.  You’re the greatest!

"Estén siempre gozosos.  Oren sin cesar.  Den gracias en todo, porque esta es la voluntad de Dios para ustedes en Cristo Jesús."

1 Tesalonicenses 5:16-18 (RVA-2015)

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NKJV)

{ mostate update }

So, I’ve recently realized that a lot of people probably don’t know much about my college plans/reality right now (let’s be real, it’s kind of been confusing me lately, too).  So here's an update.

Back in August, I started at MOState with a declared Global Studies major and double minor in Linguistics and Spanish, hoping to pursue English as a Second Language Education (ESL).  Partway through the semester, though, I found a TESOL minor, which would allow me to leave college with a teacher certification for ESL.  But see, to declare the TESOL minor, I would need to be a declared Education major.  I talked with a Spanish advisor, and things started to change.

I’m literally having to restrain myself from bouncing up and down while typing this.  I AM SO EXCITED for where God has taken all of this, and I CANNOT WAIT to see where He continues to take it all.

So I talked with a Spanish advisor and the Honors College advisor, and I dropped both my minors (don’t worry it gets even more drastic).  Then, keeping my Global Studies major, I added a Spanish Education major (really, there’s a much longer name for it, but I don’t feel like writing it all out).  But here’s the catch: my Spanish Ed. major is through the Language Department, not the Education department, so the major is considered a B.S. instead of a B.S. Ed., the latter being what I need to declare a TESOL minor.

I’ve been confused a lot these past couple months trying to figure it all out, but I’ve been placed with (in my opinion) the best advisors on campus who have been more helpful than I could have ever imagined.  My Spanish advisor is doing basically everything she can to make sure my graduation track looks exactly as I want it to look.

{ Side Note: Not to put a college plug in, but if you haven’t considered Missouri State at all yet, it really is an amazing school.  If my experience with advisor’s doesn’t convince you of that, well, I’ve got plenty of other stories that will. }

After Spring Break, I start on my education track. I AM SO STINKING EXCITED.  Really though, I never (NEVER) imagined myself taking an education class.  I thought, "I’ll take my culture classes and Spanish classes, and then I’ll take the few English classes that I need for a TESOL minor."  I have always adored teachers and loved the work they do, but I never imagined myself in their shoes.  But now, here I am, an education major who can’t sit still when she talks about it because I AM SO EXCITED.

Sorry I keep using caps lock, but I can’t seem to express just how excited I am for all the opportunities even the next year of classes are going to bring to learn about education.

Here’s the thing: I sat in class for a lot of high school, wanting to be a tutor or help people better understand their schoolwork, but I never even thought of being a teacher.  It’s amazing to me just how God works.  I don’t know how I would have reacted before college if I thought about an education degree.  I had absolutely nothing against it, but I had my heart completely (and only) set on Global Studies and spending four years learning about cultures (which, thanks to my double major, I will now be doing over the span of five years).  Now, I’ll still be studying cultures, primarily the Latin American culture, but combining it with my language and education studies.  I just think it’s the coolest thing ever that there’s a way to overlap two majors that could seem so totally different.

Anyways, that’s enough about school.  Now let’s talk about other things.  I’m in the process of rushing Gamma Alpha Lambda (GAL), the Christian sorority on campus, and it’s been a complete blast.  I’ve already had chances to get to know new people and find a place on campus.  It’s really a great group of girls.  I’ve found a roommate for next year, and we already have a suitemate, too!

I started going to CRU a few weeks ago, as well, and I can’t tell you what a blessing that’s already been in my life.  There was one Thursday night at the beginning of the semester that I just had this gnawing feeling inside of, “Alli, you should really go to CRU tonight.  You NEED to go.”  So I went.  And it was exactly what I needed that night.  From then on, I knew CRU was the spot for me.

It’s been amazing to me this semester to see God work.  It’s been so so cool to see Him working out all the kinks in my majors-and-minor confusion.  If it hadn’t been for Him, I probably wouldn’t have gone to CRU that night, and I probably wouldn’t have joined GAL, two groups on campus where I’ve really found my place (that campus slogan really does describe a lot of college life).  God’s taken me down a crazy path academically that’s had a bunch of changes, but it’s been so fun to see it all start to come together.  When I first declared the Spanish Ed. major, I wasn’t so sure how I felt about it.  But I’m just a few weeks away from my first education class, and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been so excited about a class (and I’m currently in a lot of really fun culture classes).  I’ll get a taste of teaching this summer at Taellor’s House, and then the education classes kick into full gear.

And I can’t wait.  I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I AM GOD IS SO GOOD AND COOL AND FANTASTIC.

Okay, I’m done with caps lock now.