Welcome Home

Welcome back, Alli.

It feels a lot like a “Welcome home.”  While I miss Nicaragua and the relationships I built there like literally nothing else, the relationships I have here at home and on campus are the people God has for me right now.  They are the people who know me.  They take me as I am while also helping grow in my faith and constantly challenging me to grow closer to Christ.

First off, if you’re one of these people, thank you.  From my family to my roommate to all the newbies in our building, thank you for putting up with me the past week and a half.  I know I’ve been complaining about being cold, and I know I keep forgetting things and showing up late.  Thanks for letting me re-learn how school and being home works without pushing me to jump right back in to “normal” life.  That’s actually extremely appreciated.  You all have also been there through this whole journey.  You saw all the preparation and supported me and prayed me through leaving home for three months, all the homesickness, and all the joys I experienced while I was there.  You let me talk about my trip non-stop (even when I’m accidently hogging the conversation sometimes).  You guys care.  It’s such an uplifting feeling to know that there are people who have my back, who have been supporting me this entire journey and are still supporting me as I readjust to life here at home, who have been praying for me through it all.  You guys are actually the greatest.

So, I’ve officially been home for a week and a half.  In some ways, it feels like I’ve been home for two hours, and in some ways, it feels like I’ve been back for years.  Maybe it’s because, as soon as I got back, I moved back to campus.  I had almost no time to prepare myself to be thrown back in to life here before I actually was.  In some ways, that was really good for me, and in other ways, it really wasn’t.

Here’s what’s been going down.  I’m back in a routine, which is really helping me adjust to life here.  I didn’t have much time at all to think about all that went on in Nicaragua, which was probably good for me, because otherwise I would have been mentally stuck in Nicaragua more than I already am and wouldn’t have been able to dive back into life here at home.  But, on the other hand, I’ve had no time to process my trip.  I’ve had no time to look back on it all and really take in all that God did.

I haven’t cried.

I haven’t cried once since I’ve been back.  If you know me at all, you know that’s not a good sign.  I cry when I process.  No tears equates to no processing.  So, instead of processing my trip and actually letting myself miss the people I met and truly reflect on all that happened, I’ve just been bottling my emotions inside.  And that’s never good.

So, honestly, I’m writing this because yesterday, I started to hit my breaking point.  It’s coming – I know it is.  I don’t know when the actual tears will come, but I can feel them coming.  They’re not just building up anymore – they’re about to spew.

You hear it all the time.  “Reentry is very hard; be prepared.”  Except, I didn’t expect it to actually be this hard.  My heart hurts to be back at Taellor’s House with those sweet kids.  I almost always find myself replaying memories in my head from this summer (it’s super unhelpful during class).  I miss Nicaragua.  I miss it a lot.

But now, I’m back on campus and back in class.  And can I just say, after this summer, I am so freaking excited for these education classes.  I find myself nerding out in (almost) all of my classes this semester, and I really think it’s because I am so excited to see just where God takes my desire to teach.

Basically, I said all of this to ask for prayer.  Pray for peace as I start to process all that happened this summer.  Pray that I always remember to run to Jesus.  This time of processing isn’t going to be easy, but I need to reflect on all that happened and, honestly, allow myself to be sad and miss everything that happened and everyone that I met.

I cannot thank you all enough for all the prayers and support you’ve given me over these past few months, and I cannot wait to finally be able to share (and understand) all that God did this summer.